


Never Alone

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-13
Updated: 2006-03-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Time brought them together and it ripped them apart. It will be forever that finds them again.





	Never Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: Based on and using lyrics from the song "Never Alone" by Barlow Girl.  


* * *

_I waited for you, today_  
But you didn't show.  
No, no, no.  
I needed you, today.  
So where did you go? 

 

He sat slowly on the bed and let the silence gather around him. The air was thick like smoke in his lungs, wet and difficult to draw inside. He looked at the ring on his hand like a chain, pulling a part of him towards the unknown, towards the dead. His body shuddered, muscles spasming with his mental protests. Emotion prickled at the back of his eyes but he fought to swallow it down. Fought to be strong. Fought to be.

Things had been thrown up in the air three weeks ago and still he waited for everything to fall down around him. His foundation shook, unsettled by the collapse of its support.

“You’re supposed to be here,” he demanded of the empty room, voice echoing cruelly through the deserted house. “You’re always supposed to be here.”

Absently he ran the ring around his finger, the metal soothingly real.

They might talk behind him about wearing the rings of the dead but even without any ceremony, his heart was tied beyond death parting them. It wasn’t a link to the lost; it was a reminder of the love they’d shared enough to use its passion and strength to mould metal forever. It was something delicate yet strong, cool yet warm. It would have looked stunning against his skin alive; dead it was a final promise.

 

_I cried out, with no reply_  
And I can't feel you by my side.  
So, I'll hold tight to what I know:  
You're here,  
And I'm never alone. 

 

Breath rasped against a throat tired from crying. Night was settling fast around him but time stood still while shadows danced on graves. He knew a part of him they had buried only weeks past. A part of him he would never get back. A part of him he never _wanted_ back.

It felt like he was achingly alone but that only served to remind him of how they had been together. If he felt like he was dead, it was only in comparison to how much he’d been alive.

Memories flickered on the edges of his vision, ready to overwhelm him like they tended to when the world was quiet and still. Taking a deep breath and looking once more at the abstract painting beside the bed that could only be the two of them entwined, he lay back and closed his eyes.

 

_And though I cannot see you,_  
And I can't explain why.  
Such a deep reassurance  
You placed in my life. 

 

Things were quiet now. Life was still like the dead of winter. Everything was cool and distant beneath his touch. Sounds were dulled, colours were muted but he tried to work, to move and to breathe. The only time he came alive was holding his little boy, remembering the boy who had named him, the man who had helped him grow. Who had helped them both grow.

He tried not to look back upon the part of his life before that night; it was marred by something painful and so angry that he couldn’t stop himself from shying away like a spooked horse. Things had been so angry then, so bitter and cold.

Now they were cold again, but softly so. The edges were blurred, softened even. Like the pieces inside of him. Snow melted to spring; hard hazel to warm. Looking upon the pictures spread throughout the house, it was almost like pieces of his lover still remained. In spirit and in painting he lingered, and though he tried to avoid that, it was a comforting presence to cling to.

 

_Oh we cannot separate,_  
'Cause you're part of me.  
And though you're invisible,  
I'll trust the unseen. 

 

People looked upon his tired face with pity, brushing his shoulders like the snow weighed him down. Their silence spoke to the stillness inside his chest but no one knew how to break the broken; no one could heal the lost. No one knew they didn’t have to.

His feet dragged across the steps he took, light only when faced towards the ground that had swallowed him. The days seemed never ending, the nights more so. His lips were chapped and silent, eyes hollowed but deep. No one of the family could hold his gaze for much longer than a span of their heartbeat.

They wanted to do so much for him but were helpless with their useless words and comforts, their embraces grown distant by the absence in his eye. He wasn’t there any more than his lover was.

 

_I cried out, with no reply_  
And I can't feel you by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know:  
You're here,  
And I'm never alone. 

 

Time turned over and pieces slid into place as something broken within him eased. Warmth slowly suffused his limbs like blood returned and his gaze lightened imperceptibly. It wasn’t much but it was something.

Words became easier; interaction didn’t hurt so much. His steps still faltered when the world weighed him down but it was as if someone was giving him strength when his failed. They all held their breath for the day he would remove the ring and rejoin the world of the living, leaving behind dead lovers and misplaced promises.

They didn’t realise the ring wasn’t a promise lost, it was a promise forever. He would wait until death returned them to each other, until life ended and forever began.

Until that time, he could feel his son in his embrace like a warmth holding him down and the daylight on his face like arms keeping him up.

Until forever, he was never alone.

 

_I'll hold tight to what I know:_  
You're here,  
And I'm never alone. 


End file.
